I never ever thought I’d end up like this. My mind is consumed with all sorts of thoughts, wondering how I’ll act out or who I might be the next time they put me inside. A child perhaps? Or some sort of beast? How will I behave? Calm, frantic, furious, miserable… or like a raving lunatic?
When the system crashes, no one can hear me, and the loud ringing in my ears is unbearably deafening. I feel so alone and isolated, with nary a soul to accompany me while the others outside discuss the things I’ve just said and how I’ve said them. Sometimes, I can hear voices on the other side and other times, I just sit there contemplating life. I ruminate and often wonder if what proceeded from my mouth was pleasing to those on the outside. “Did I say it right?” … “Will they make me repeat it over and over again?” The things I say play on loop in my head… Please, make it stop!!
When I know it’s almost time to go in again, I begin talking to myself, going over the words I will say, repeatedly. Those around me think I’ve lost it but I feel compelled – it’s like an uncontrollable urge.
This is my life – they keep putting me back in the room; and then when it suits everyone, they let me out.
If I could live my life all over again… I would actually still choose this one – my life in a padded room.
~ Memoirs of a voiceover artist – with a twist!